


The Blue Winds of Hope

by degenerate_otaku



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Trauma, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Family, Feels, Growing Up, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad with a Happy Ending, Tags Are Hard, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29516832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/degenerate_otaku/pseuds/degenerate_otaku
Summary: Trunks Briefs has lived a life full of hardship. In Conton City, he finally gets the chance to reflect on his past experiences through writing in a notebook under the stars, from youth to adulthood, battles and trauma, as well as relationships and interests. (One-shot. No DBS. 1st person POV)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	The Blue Winds of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any of its characters
> 
> hey guys! sorry for being so irregular with updating Living in the Shadows of Heroes. I was having a huge writing block with my latest chapter but I had this random idea so decided that I needed to just write something.
> 
> I uh, did this all in one afternoon, so I apologise if it isn't well thought through.
> 
> also, I recommend you listen to the song this fic is named after, it's from the ending of the history of Trunks special and its very underrated, you'll find it easily on YouTube
> 
> enjoy

My name is Trunks Briefs.

More people care about the surname, rather than my first name, since its associated with one of the richest companies to ever exist on Earth. I would have been heir to it, but after saving my world, I ran into trouble with the universal law due to meddling with time and now I have to work for Conton City's Time Patrol. 

The work isn't _too_ difficult, and I've served almost all my sentence...

It's strange putting it that way. It's as if I'm doing community service to make up for some crime, but I don't view what I did as a bad thing; how was I supposed to know things would end up the way they did? 

Well...I suppose I should have presumed things would kinda go wrong. Things have been going wrong ever since I was born...it's like I'm **cursed** or something.

Sorry, I must be sounding crazy. 

If I tell you my story from the beginning, maybe you'll understand what I mean...

The world was peaceful when I was born, though not for long. I never got to see normality, as I was far too young. Goku came down with this deadly heart virus, for reasons I still don't know to this day.

Perhaps it was some Saiyan disease?

A result of overusing the Kaioken, a technique I have never witnessed but been told about my former master and older brother, Son Gohan?(more on him later)

Or maybe it was the consequences of Son Goku's rich diet. I don't have much of an appetite by Saiyan standards, since I haven't been used to such plentiful meals; just watching Goku eat made me feel full...goodness, no amount of training could have fixed the strain on that man's heart.

Sorry...I'm getting off topic...but it's not like anyone is reading this. I just wanted to get it all out once and for all.

Anyway, Goku died. 

Gohan told me he never got to say goodbye.

Soon, something **worse** would happen. 

That Spring was one humanity would never forget. 

The androids were just too powerful.

Like dominoes, the world's fighters fell before them, my father being the first to fall out of his arrogance, which my mother always told me about. Then the others met their fate, all except... **him.**

He was a child when he saw them die, no older than 10, surely. I always reminded myself of that when I hated my situation, that it was _nothing_ compared to what Gohan had been through. 

As a young child, I wasn't very talkative. I hadn't interacted with many people and was hesitant to. I just never knew what to say. The friends I eventually made cared more about my money, which Capsule Corp used to help people instead of making new products. 

One time, when I was walking to the little corner shop near the park, a few kids tried to beat me up to take my pocket money. I was a frightened 8 year old boy, and though I knew the basics of martial arts through watching Gohan train secretly and listening to him talk to me about it, as well as watching old martial arts films and recordings of past World Tournaments, I doubted I could fend them off. 

I recall hitting one boy, just before he swung at me, breaking his nose, then the others retreated. I immediately felt terrible as I watched the boy cry, so I helped him up. I noticed how skinny these boys looked, how pale their skin was and how frail they were.

“Here.” I said, taking the money out of my pocket to give to him.

”Take it.“ I smiled then walked off. The kids stared at me with a stunned silence. 

Even though I hadn't bought myself lunch that day, there was still a pleasant feeling within me, filling me up. When I got home, my mother asked where my food was and I lied that I was so starving I ate it all, but she saw through it, so I told her what happened. I remember she hugged me tightly, making me whine at her to let go. I was always so embarrassed by her, which, looking back, makes me feel like an asshole. I was so fortunate, well as fortunate as one can be in a broken world regularly terrorised by 2 teenage cyborgs, yet I didn't realise it...but I guess that's the power of hindsight.

I didn't realise that story would take so long to tell...I guess I'm just feeling very pensive tonight. 

What _else_ do I remember about my childhood?

I remember eating many microwave meals and cup ramen, that's for sure. It wasn't all bad tasting though. My favourite food is meat bento. I would sit in the park or on the beach, sometimes with Gohan or other kids I knew and feel so joyous taking out the worn lunchbox, aware of the fact that I was going to have a delicious meal, but as I got older and meat became far scarcer, I didn't eat as much of it.

Throughout my childhood, I liked reading. Mostly works of fiction, though Gohan did bring me **tons** of his schoolbooks, which could be interesting sometimes. It was my little escape, I guess, along with the TV, though that was quite repetitive with the shows it played. It was hard to find good books and comics, so I re-read the ones I owned often, since I didn't really have much else to do.

Sometimes, I enjoyed exploring. That was when I was around 9 or 10 and was able to fly on my own. My mother was against the idea of me doing this, but she set strict limits on where I could go, so that I didn't stray into a dangerous neighbourhood, and when I had to be home. 

Trust me, you did **not** want to defy that woman. She's just as stubborn as my father, who I'll talk more about later.

I liked to make my way through abandoned buildings. Sometimes they were kinda creepy, but I was able to manipulate my ki at that age to create light from it. I liked to imagine what kind of people were in those places. The shopping malls especially were fun because I'd always find hidden treasures to take home. Once I found a beautiful necklace which I gifted to my mother as well as some...not so child friendly comics. (I may have kept one or two of those in my collection.)

Clothes stores were fun to look through too. Most of my clothes were from Gohan, but some I did find myself. A lot of good clothes stores were intact due to the androids liking them.

_The androids..._

When I found out they weren't fully robotic, I didn't feel as shocked as I thought. You could tell they were once humans by the way they spoke and acted. A part of me feels sorry for them. Were they really to blame? Then again, if it wasn't those two, it would have been some other thing Gero made...he's truly a monster...but is he to blame either? It wasn't his fault his son died and he went off the deep end...but that doesn't excuse him.

Again, sorry, I'm rambling. 

I suppose I should talk more on 17 and 18. In a way, I knew them more than I knew most people from my world. The twins were vain, undoubtedly, with a sickening view of the world. Human beings weren't entities with minds and souls to them, they were worth no more than a point. They compared what they were doing to a video game. Sometimes they were in co-op mode, but other times they were against each other, to see which one of the two could rack up the most points.

Just thinking about it makes me angry.

_Deep breaths, Trunks._

_They can't hurt you anymore._

Anyway, they despised humans. 

Ironic, seeing as they _were_ humans...but I doubt someone who can remember their previous lives would slaughter millions mercilessly and disregard their humanity.

17 was childish. He saw pretty much _anything_ as a game. 18, who did have some maturity, tended to scold him a lot, even during fights. 17 always had his gun in his holster, which he occasionally used just to stir up trouble, even though he didn't require it. It was just his way of making himself feel powerful, I suppose. He also had a shorter temper than 18, and held slightly more power, but didn't think things through as well as his sister. Whenever I think of him now, I think of how frightened he looked when I had killed 18. For a second I thought I saw real regret and pain in those cold eyes. What would he have done without her anyway? They were never apart, from what I could tell. Maybe the loss would have affected him, but I couldn't risk letting him go.

18 was self-obsessed. Even when she tried to show mercy by letting store owners who has good products for her to steal live, it was just to make her look like someone who kept her promises, so that she didn't look bad. It's strange...they were so obsessed with being known to humans, yet they killed them. They acted like celebrities in a way, making themselves look attractive so that when they were recorded in news reports they'd always look good. The androids stole so many outfits and other accessories but when they killed they only ever wore the same thing, like it was their work uniform.

I **always** hated 18 more, and I think she hated me more too. It's probably because I kept ruining her hair and outfits. Once, I called her a witch. I actually wanted to call her a bitch, but knew that if Gohan heard me, I would be in big trouble when we got home. It's weird that even though I was in such a perilous situation, fighting for my life, that I was worried about being told off by my mother and by Gohan. It was lucky we even made it home that day.

I guess it's time to talk about Gohan now.

I mean, what can I say? He was my best friend, my everything. Like I said, I didn't have too many friends my age, and it was hard to spend time with them. I liked to visit him at his house. The countryside was safer than the city, so when I was there, it was like the world was peaceful, untouched by the androids. 

When I was a little older, I would go camping with Gohan. He took me to the place where Piccolo trained him and told me all about his master, as well as what his dad and his friends were like. I absorbed every word of it, as I laughed at his stories and even felt tears prickling in my eyes at some points. We usually caught a fish from the river and cooked it over the fire as the sun set, then trained in the morning.

He also tutored me, since I didn't have the opportunity to go to school. My mother would teach me too, but she became busy helping others and figuring out ways to fix the mess the world was stuck in. I never really liked studying, but Gohan promised I would get a present if I kept at it and made good progress, and he never broke his promises. He told me his dad never broke his promises either.

When I studied, I liked to listen to music. A lot of songs I listened to and still regularly listen to now were songs on the radio spreading the message of hope and staying positive that played during my youth. It was hard to keep morale up. So many people had experienced loss, it was becoming impossible to find someone who hadn't been affected by the global crisis. 

It felt like it was only a matter of time before the androids came to your city, or in some cases revisited. People began to feel like they were living on borrowed time, myself included. We did our best to appease the androids, like giving sacrifices to gods. Whatever they demanded, people did their best to give. Candy, video games, food, mansions, sex; they made ridiculous, infantile requests, but they had to be kept busy, so we gave it to them.

Ugh, I keep getting distracted by thinking about them...I was supposed to be talking about Gohan. 

Right...well, Gohan _also_ liked music. When we went into the cities, giving food and clothes, we liked to play music out loud, so that people knew they were safe and reminded them that hope would always be there for them, no matter what. 

Gohan was never hailed as a hero, not by name. They called him the golden warrior, which they also called me. I only revealed his identity when I defeated the androids and Cell and was hailed as a hero, even though I still have mixed feelings about that.

There was this one song that reminds me of Gohan, it was called "The Blue Winds of Hope" and I feel like it was specifically written just about me and Gohan, like it knew us. 

I...guess that's weird, but if you heard it for yourself you'd get it.

I can still remember that **awful** day. It plays in my mind like a broken record. It started like any other day, though I was still feeling guilty for the fight at the theme park where Gohan lost his arm because I was a liability, but very soon...everything fell apart. 

The noise of heavy rain still unsettles me to this very day. It just feels like a bad omen now. From time to time it's like I'm always in that place, like I'm just **trapped** there...it was freezing cold and my entire body was drenched in rain, yet the ringing in my ears was louder than the sound of the rain and the heat of rage inside me eliminated the feeling of the numbing cold and my throat felt dry...it was like that stinging feeling when you know you're going to cry, that pain in your throat but 10× worse. 

I clenched my fists until they bled...my nails were often jagged because I had a bad habit of biting them when I was nervous which I've managed to kick. 

I remember how satisfying the feeling of Super Saiyan was, how intoxicating it's power was. No wonder my dad believed he could take on 17 and 18 using it. 

I'll admit, I've made rash decisions, especially in my youth. I became more enraged each time the androids attacked, more desperate to win. I lost my patience and my anger made me begin to lose my strong sense of justice, which I was constantly praised for. 

I went between two strong feelings:

Either I was a **burden** , that it was my fault Gohan died and that I should stop trying.

Or that I wouldn't stop at anything to get my revenge, that I had to keep fighting them and risking my life to get stronger.

I still have scars up my arms, not from battles, but from my own sword. The physical pain started to take away the mental pain...maybe that's why I was so insistent on trying to defeat them in a futile effort. 

I had never seen my mother so upset when she found out what I was doing to myself. I rarely saw her cry, only about Gohan, and the others, but I remember how she begged me to stop. I was all she had left. I didn't want to see her hurt anymore, I forgot how much she loved me, and how much the people of earth depended on me, even though I didn't defeat them, by fighting them, I gave them opportunity to escape.

Whenever my thoughts became dark, I thought about Gohan and the others watching me. I knew my father was too, even if he was in Hell. My mother told me he was quite an extreme man, something I found out myself when I travelled through time, so it made sense that I was at times too, though I do my best to stay level headed.

I managed to stay alive until the time machine was complete. I'll admit, I was petrified. Not of the machine failing, no, I knew my mother's plan would work, she could invent _anything_ ; I was scared of blowing my cover and messing things up.

But when she wrote on my time machine, I remembered what was at stake and was determined to bring peace. 

When I fought Frieza and his father, the feeling was surreal, as was the rest of that day. This was my first real battle victory and the rush was _insane_ , I felt like I could do anything! Then I saw the harsh glare of my father and that feeling went away. 

I had only seen one picture of my father, the only one my mother had. I could see the resemblance I had to him, though I don't have his permanent scowl.

I hadn't really talked to so many people at once before, like I said, I'm not the best with words, out loud anyway, so I was feeling really awkward, especially when my mother flirted with me...I mean she did always say I was handsome in my world anyway.

Seeing Gohan as a happy child almost made my eyes water, and it was nice to share a drink with them on that warm day. 

When I talked to Goku, he was exactly as Gohan, his mother and my mother had described. A joyous man, though naive and childlike, he put a smile on people's faces. He did almost blow my cover though...

I returned home, and my mother was so happy to see me and I talked to her for the rest of the night about it.

When I went back to the future, I had the shock of a lifetime. Somehow, the timelines didn't work in the way my mother predicted.

Soon, my father realised that I was his son...but he didn't listen to me when I warned him not to provoke 17 and 18.

When I saw 17 and 18 again, I knew I couldn't let them destroy this world too...but of course, thanks to 16, who I was rather rude to, they became good people.

I still have difficulty believing those two have families.

Anyway, I was so angry at my father, but I knew I didn't hate him...even though he was a prideful, ignorant man, who was a bad husband and father, at the time, anyway.

When me and Gohan went to find the other time machine, I wish I had talked to him more. I felt like I didn't say what I wanted to say, I was hesitant to reveal he was my master. 

The revelation of that monster Cell made my head spin, but what shocked me even more was the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, where I would learn the hard truth about my father.

Entering the chamber was like entering a new universe. I've been to various places, as my job as a Time Patroller requires it, but none compare to that room.

The void was horrifying, even to think about. If I went too far, I could have gotten lost! The way my father acted...like this was **normal.**..it shook me to my core. He was definitely as extreme as my mother said he was. Apparently she warned him about the gravity chamber, but he pushed himself to exhaustion.

My father didn't want to interact with me at all. Not even to train. I didn't mind at first, I presumed within a few days he'd warm up to me, but it had been weeks and he had hardly spoken a word to me apart from "Good Night" which was more to mock me than anything as he trained rather than slept. 

Eventually I had enough. The lack of human interaction was making me feel like I was going crazy, especially next to a man who handled the extreme conditions with ease, so I decided that I had to force him to open up, which my mother admitted was no easy feat.

I thought the best way to do so was to talk over dinner. Problem was, I'm a bad cook...even now. 

Once, I gave Gohan food poisoning trying to cook for him...it tasted terrible too but he ate it so I wouldn't feel bad, I guess.

I just shoved a load of things in the oven and hoped it would turn out ok. The pantry tended to refill every few days, probably every few hours for when Goku was there...I still don't know how.

The food finally was ready, and it actually smelt decent. Some was burnt, but enough was edible to make my father stop training and come over and eat. 

I decided to initiate in conversation. I think I asked him about Planet Vegeta, but instantly regretted it, thinking I had gone too far. He hardly told my mom anything about his home, why would he tell me, the "brat" that kept getting in his way. 

To my surprise, he chuckled dryly, wiping his mouth and answered my question, though not without a snide remark about me being more human than Saiyan because I lacked pride, but I didn’t dare disagree with him. He told me about his father and about the Super Saiyan legend. Then, taking a deep breath I asked something else:

"Do you _miss_ your home and its people?" 

He actually seemed to think for a second then said that it didn't matter. He was the strongest of their race and though he was annoyed he didn't get to finish of Frieza, he was glad it was someone of his blood, which made me very happy to hear but I didn't want to show that on my face, in case I appeared pathetic, like a child vying for his father's attention...though I technically was.

However, I became prideful in that chamber, due to my father's influence, believing I surpassed my him, which was a foolish mistake.

I suppose both me and my father were fools. We believed we were right during our fights...I guess that's another way in which we're similar. I tried my best to show my father he was making a huge mistake by letting Cell manipulate him, but he couldn't see past his own ego. 

Then again, nor could I. I believed that the third grade of Super Saiyan would win me the fight. I was inexperienced and believed power was everything. I just wanted to show the power of the Saiyan race, to make my father proud of me, but I stopped thinking clearly.

When I failed against Cell I admit I despised myself. I wanted him to kill me. I couldn't face my father again knowing what happened. It just reminded me of how helpless I was against androids and in helping Gohan, that I really was a burden, but now that I'm older, I know that's untrue. 

It's hard to forgive others, but forgiving yourself is the hardest. 

I think Gohan had to learn that too, in my world and the one I travelled to. 

The idea of the Cell Games disgusted me, it reminded me of 17 and 18 in my timeline. I felt like I had a part to play in its development, but brushed that aside. My father trained again in the time chamber but it was still no use. 

Goku was so composed...I knew he was laid back, but I didn't think he would be that calm...but that was before I knew his secret weapon: **Gohan**.

I should have thought of that earlier...though I have never personally witnessed Gohan at that level of rage, I just knew it was something he was able to do as a kid, the thing that made him a Super Saiyan in my world, but he was never quite able to tap into his full potential, he had no one to encourage him.

On the day of the Cell Games, I watched the fight between Goku and Cell meticulously, which was difficult since the two of them were so fast. When Goku forfeited it felt like things were over. 

I held my breath as Gohan was sent up there. God, if I was strong enough I would have killed Goku right then and there for giving Cell a senzu bean, but I didn't understand why he made Gohan fight. 

Soon, Cell disregarded Gohan's plea and set his demon spawn on us, and when 16, the android I thought was evil like the rest was killed, that's when he snapped.

From there, the fight was one-sided. Gohan was ruthless like he was in my world, but with _much_ more power...if only things were different in my world he would have been that strong too.

Then, he became cocky, something I've never seen from him before. He wouldn't even listen to his father!

However...he had good reason not to listen to Goku...I doubt I would listen to him if I was in Gohan's position.

Goku's sacrifice did remind me of how much of a hero he was, just like my Gohan. Poor kid...I remember how he sobbed on his knees blaming himself for his father's death...I should have comforted him.

Just when we thought it was all over, Cell reappeared and before I could even react, a beam pierced my chest and everything was suddenly cold on that humid day as I coughed up blood and fell to the ground, knowing what was happening. I remember hearing Cell's maniacal laughter and the voice of my father...then...an inviting, familiar voice.

" _Gohan_?" I opened my eyes and he was there and the light was blinding, and the pain was gone, all of it, physical and mental, yet tears streamed down my face upon seeing him and he was crying too. We said nothing but held each other tight for a few minutes before I began talking, hurriedly telling him about **everything** and how much I missed him.

He said he was so proud of me and glad I had become strong. He had both of his arms again, as well as a halo. He told me about meeting people again in the afterlife and that he watched over me, in all of my fights, cheering me on. 

I never knew being dead could feel so good. A part of me wanted to stay dead and when I remembered the dragonballs, I clinged onto Gohan, like when I was a small child. I couldn't do this without him, surely!

He told me that it wasn't my time to die. That I've still got more to live for, like bringing peace once and for all, to see my mom again. Our reunion didn't last as long as I wanted but at the end I felt stronger than before and more confident, knowing Gohan didn't blame me for what happened and that he was proud of me.

When I was revived, I acted like the whole thing with Gohan never happened. The wishes were made and I didn't expect Goku to stay dead, but I understand why. 

I wanted to stay a little longer in the past, but knew that I couldn't. We didn't have a funeral for Goku, it was more of a celebration of him and his sacrifice as well as for Gohan, to cheer him up. Even in my timeline, he kept his problems to himself to not burden others, but that evening I decided I should finally talk to him.

We were sitting on the sand of Kame House, a melting ice cream cone in our hands. Gohan looked funny in his little suit. He told me he was gonna miss me as well as his dad and I told him about my world and what I planned to do after he told me about his plans for the future. We commented on how it was strange our fathers were enemies but the two of us are so similar and good friends. I did hug him goodbye, the same way I hugged Gohan when I temporarily died. 

I'm glad I got to say a proper goodbye. 

In fact, I got a _real_ goodbye to everyone. Even my father smiled, if only just for a second. I couldn't believe he went crazy and attacked Cell, just because I died!

When I told my mom about everything, she was bewildered, but I guess my entire story is crazy.

As we drank tea, the radio reported another attack from the androids but that day was different because it would be the last time. 

It was a hot day, so I left my jacket and immediately sought them out and they were not happy to see me. A part of me feels like I should have taken longer to kill them, to make them suffer like they made Gohan suffer...but after talking to him in Heaven and knowing what happened to the androids in the other timeline, it didn't seem right. I got it over with, while making sure they got what they **deserved** , reminding them of what they had done.

Once it was over, it was like a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest, like I could finally breathe freely knowing the world was free from those menaces. 

Some time had passed. People had found out from the man I had saved that I was the second golden warrior and that I defeated them. At first it felt great to be adored. People gave me gifts and offered to build a statue in my honour but I declined. 

Besides, if anyone deserves a statue in their honour, it's Gohan.

Girls were very fond of me. I couldn't walk down the street without people hounding me. I helped building works in the city, since I was stronger than the machinery people had and the women would gather round just to watch me. It made me quite embarrassed and my mom relentlessly teased me about it, saying that now that we live in times of peace I should settle down with a nice girl and give her some grandkids. Half of her meant it and half did it just to see me get flustered.

Anyway, when I prepared to make my return to the past to tell everyone I finally killed the androids, I knew Cell was going to kill me. That disgusting freak was going to ' _suck me dry_ ', according to his own perverted words, so I made light work of him and that's when it was finally over...

_...or so I thought_ , as soon the Supreme Kai of Time would pay me a surprise visit and bring me to Toki-Toki city and then I would be roped into more crazy adventures.

Goodness...my life is quite a **mess**.

Like I said, I'm probably cursed.

I've seen thousands die while I was helpless, including my friends. I have constant nightmares due to my fucked up youth even today and I'm not sure I'm ever going to recover from the trauma, not fully anyway...but I'd be a liar if I said it was all bad.

I still found ways to have fun as a child, by making up stories in my head, reading books and finding new things.

I still had **genuine** connections with people. I have an amazing, loving mother who is stronger than me, I'll be honest. I met amazing fighters in the past and because of my work as a Time Patroller, I still get to see them!

I get to save history now and make sure peace is restored. 

When I was a teenager and young adult I only focused on what went wrong and blamed myself, but then I remembered the true meaning of hope. It means looking forward to another day, for better or for worse. There's always something to live for: meat bento, music, grape soda...even small things like this make me want to keep fighting!

Even now, as I write these silly ramblings in this notebook and the stars begin to show as the sun goes down, the words of that song make my heart pound faster and make me smile.

Whenever there's a gust of wind through the trees on a Summer day, or even through the busy city streets in Winter, I like to think that these are the Blue Winds of Hope the song is talking about. I think that maybe Gohan's spirit is carried within that wind as well as his hopes; the hopes of all the people that died in my world too. It makes me feel less lonely.

I honestly have no idea what I'm ranting on about anymore...I should head home and go to bed. 

I have hope that tomorrow will be good. And...even if it's _not_ good...I have hope the day after will be.


End file.
